I'm so drunk right now and I'm confessing this to the void of my phone because I sure as hell can't say it out loud. I'm sitting here on my living room floor, the room is spinning just a little, and all I can think about is my best friend's husband.

I went to their barbecue tonight, and I was supposed to be his wingman, helping him man the grill while the girls talked about whatever. But every time he handed me a beer, our fingers brushed, and I felt this jolt, this stupid, pathetic jolt that went straight to my core. He's not even objectively that handsome. He's just... him. He's got this stupid laugh that makes his eyes crinkle, and he smells like charcoal and honesty.

At one point, we were alone for a second, and he said, "You're a good friend, you know that?" And I just smiled and said, "That's me, the good friend." But what I was thinking was, "I'm a terrible friend. I'm a snake in the grass, because right now, all I want to do is grab your stupid apron and kiss you until you forget you're married to my best friend."

I know I'll delete it in the morning and pretend it never happened. But right now, in this blurry, honest state, I have to admit it. I'm in love with him. Or maybe I'm just in love with the idea of him, the idea of something I can't have. All I know is, I'm sitting here on the floor, hating myself a little, and wanting him a lot. And I'm so, so drunk.